Wednesday, December 24, 2008 . 10:14 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF~~
My wishes:
_I wish my love will recover quickly... live healthily... and will be happy no matter the choices she made.
_I want to make a lot of money so that I can make my other wishes come true... for example... take my love to the best hospital =)
_ I want to grow up more... be more mature so that I can never hurt anyone with my ignorance again... :(
_ I want my unnie Pynic to have more self confidence... she's a really nice and pretty girl... I hope one day she will see for herself that I'm right~ she deserves more and more than just heartbreaks~ (and cold, unnie should have worn more warm clothes)
That's all I can wish for~~~ and if Santa is generous, I would like you to make my fat disappear... *sigh*

Monday, December 22, 2008 . 9:24 PM

Davichi Amaranth Medley

I give you everything I have as presents
Even my heart and soul, I hold nothing back
Even my dignity, I keep taking you back
There's always the thought I don't deserve you
And how pathetic, I'm always the one at fault
Even when I use my mind, I can't put off your glory...
I hate you... that's right... but I still love you (미워도 사랑하니까)

I gave you my true self, a heart a face with no make up
But today, I'm putting on those lipstick... to your wedding
To say meaningless words such as "Congrats" to you
The man I always dreamed to be with
I'm putting those lipstick to your wedding
To see the one in your arms...
That girl has too much make-up on her face
And probaly on her heart as well...
The red lipstick I'm wearing now feels like blood... (Putting on lipstick)

Days, months and years after our break-up
I've been living with a sad promise to myself
I won't love anyone... I won't smile... I won't be happy...
Not because I still love you, the one who broke me too many times
Because the pains you caused me are still here
They are moving... growing... as I keep going on...
I made a promise never to turn my head back...
Sadly... I know I will look for you again if you call my name... (Sad Promise)

People can hurt me... they can call me names
I lived on... I breathed the air they breathed...
People don't care if I cry, if I fall down
I got up... I appeared on the perfect picture they eyed
But why did you appear and bring love to me?
It's too difficult to get up and live on
Too difficult to curse the one who hurt me...
Why love? (왜 사랑)

You wrote me a love song the day you confessed
Every note we played with care and devotion
Nothing in our lives was more beautiful...
Even the ending was too perfect as we smiled and moved on...
People smiled and the earth moved on...
They don't know the last note I played was the last tear I have... (Sad Love Song)

How many lies you are going to tell me?
I won't ask anymore even if you have better lies this time
Forgiving you... is no longer because I love you
But because I'm too tired to listen now...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008 . 9:52 PM

SOMETHING SEEN...

"I've become a devil in your eyes... I've decided to give up my soul for you... but in the end, I'm not miserable because I'm no longer a human... it's because I still can't have you..."

"I see your smile before my eyes... I see your face lightens up with my own eyes... but with my heart, I can only see him in your eyes..."

"Please... leave me alone... I beg you... let me breathe without feeling your scent... let me think of my ego without picturing us together... let me see things appear clearly without the ghost of memories embedded in..."

"You told me to stay... I said no and pretended to leave... just to watch you from afar hiding myself... Are you happy?... I'm sorry I can't face you properly... because... I know I will collapse in pain..."

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 . 9:04 AM

Something isn't right about my two characters: Ha Yuri and Jin Ae...
They seem to be too hard to portrait, even though I know them... I just don't know how to describe them... O.o... o.O
Ha Yuri: A good writer who can't smile, someone who hides but not fake.
Jin Ae: A sensitive teacher- psychologist who often can't separate her roles.
...
Anyway...
...
now is not the right time, I'm stuck.
...
Looking in the the art of Korean names, studying Hanja and Hangul... this is... like a true Shamanship...
... I'm a Shaman... hehehe...
Anyway...
this is my beloved Christina... hehehe... she's so cute I wish she was my daughter... =.='' she's my cousin by the way... 4 years old...

Friday, December 5, 2008 . 12:33 PM

Yun ah, really sorry... I need your shoulder to cry again... really sorry...
I couldn't cry in front of her... so I keep taking your shoulder for granted...
You must be really tired... I'm sorry... but thousands thanks for you!
I'm going to cry now... but don't worry, I will stop soon... I will just quickly burst into tears and then stay calm again, so quick that you won't even see my wet eyes or my ugly red nose ^^
Yun ah... I feel so out of place... it seems like I can never do anything right... maybe I was too arrogant, I thought I could do anything but in the end, I just messed up.
I dreamt about your back... (lol) I dreamt about your warm, secure back... I held it tight, feeling like I could never get lost if I stay like that...
Yun ah... Promise me that you will never think about anything else except for the fact that I need you everytime I tell you it's been a bad day for me, can you?
It's okay if you forget how bad my day was, it's okay that you just walk away saying that you have something urgent to do... As long as you are there when I cry... as long as I feel your existence...
I'm so selfish, right? yesterday, I sat on the backyard, trying to hide my tears from everyone... but I couldn't cry (that's stupid hahaha) I just sat there... feeling cold wind blow pass me... my mind went blank because of the cold and I just sat there... u can't imagine how funny it was... My mind tried to tell me to cry... it was alright to cry because nobody was watching!
But it seemed like I couldn't control my body anymore... my eyes wouldn't drop a tear... my face wouldn't grimace... I wished you were there... just to pat on my back... or let me rest my head on your back... my arms were too cold to rest on...
Just to let me feel someone existing near me...
Anyway... Yun ah... thank you...
Somehow... your back always feels so warm... even when it's winter...
I'm being selfish again... hahaha
Most people... just looking at their faces... I can already feel how cold their backs are...
I wish I was sick... maybe a light fever... staying in bed all day like a worm... roll myself up and become smaller so that nobody would find and tell me things I'm too tired to hear...
Then you would come and put your hands on my shouder... I guess your hands are just as warm as your back... and I wil fall asleep... a long sleep filled with beautiful dreams, knowing that I'm protected... that I'm safe... that you will never let anyone hurt me while I sleep...
But when I open my eyes, you will have gone... borrowing your back and hands doesn't mean you want to tie your life with someone like me... you let me borrow your warmth... just because you know I need it... like a kind heart giving money to a beggar...
That's more than enough to me anyway...
A daydreamer has no right to demand more than the giver wants to give.
Thank you for your kindness.
I'm grateful.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 . 3:06 PM

One Fear
I hate this feeling... totally clueless...
I hate this fear... I fear that I may hurt you when I don't even know that I do
An unanswered message can fear me...
An unupdated blog can fear me...
An offline name can fear me...
*going crazy*

Monday, December 1, 2008 . 11:09 AM

L.o.V.e

Why is it just my love that is late
Why is it just my love that is hard
Although I'm right in front of you, although I'm right beside you
You were my whole world
I see only you
But...

Why are there so many "but" in your words
Why are there so many "i'm sorry"
Although I told myself to ignore you, although I covered my ears,
My hands reached for the phone again
I hear only you
But...

Why is there such a thing like love
Why are there tears when I try to smile for you
Although I forced myself to change, although I tried not to hurt you,
Every time there is a fight between us
I just blame myself
But...

Why is there such a fool like me
Why did I expect from you too much like I did to myself
Although I tried to laugh it off, although I tried to forget our fights
Even with just a cold smile, you can cut me deeper than last time
I only trust you
But...

I can never answer those questions, will I?