Friday, December 5, 2008 . 12:33 PM

Yun ah, really sorry... I need your shoulder to cry again... really sorry...
I couldn't cry in front of her... so I keep taking your shoulder for granted...
You must be really tired... I'm sorry... but thousands thanks for you!
I'm going to cry now... but don't worry, I will stop soon... I will just quickly burst into tears and then stay calm again, so quick that you won't even see my wet eyes or my ugly red nose ^^
Yun ah... I feel so out of place... it seems like I can never do anything right... maybe I was too arrogant, I thought I could do anything but in the end, I just messed up.
I dreamt about your back... (lol) I dreamt about your warm, secure back... I held it tight, feeling like I could never get lost if I stay like that...
Yun ah... Promise me that you will never think about anything else except for the fact that I need you everytime I tell you it's been a bad day for me, can you?
It's okay if you forget how bad my day was, it's okay that you just walk away saying that you have something urgent to do... As long as you are there when I cry... as long as I feel your existence...
I'm so selfish, right? yesterday, I sat on the backyard, trying to hide my tears from everyone... but I couldn't cry (that's stupid hahaha) I just sat there... feeling cold wind blow pass me... my mind went blank because of the cold and I just sat there... u can't imagine how funny it was... My mind tried to tell me to cry... it was alright to cry because nobody was watching!
But it seemed like I couldn't control my body anymore... my eyes wouldn't drop a tear... my face wouldn't grimace... I wished you were there... just to pat on my back... or let me rest my head on your back... my arms were too cold to rest on...
Just to let me feel someone existing near me...
Anyway... Yun ah... thank you...
Somehow... your back always feels so warm... even when it's winter...
I'm being selfish again... hahaha
Most people... just looking at their faces... I can already feel how cold their backs are...
I wish I was sick... maybe a light fever... staying in bed all day like a worm... roll myself up and become smaller so that nobody would find and tell me things I'm too tired to hear...
Then you would come and put your hands on my shouder... I guess your hands are just as warm as your back... and I wil fall asleep... a long sleep filled with beautiful dreams, knowing that I'm protected... that I'm safe... that you will never let anyone hurt me while I sleep...
But when I open my eyes, you will have gone... borrowing your back and hands doesn't mean you want to tie your life with someone like me... you let me borrow your warmth... just because you know I need it... like a kind heart giving money to a beggar...
That's more than enough to me anyway...
A daydreamer has no right to demand more than the giver wants to give.
Thank you for your kindness.
I'm grateful.